"I came face-to-face with my surgeon, Dr. Swarthy Unibrow. He looked and sounded like The Soup Nazi, and he ordered me to not move. 'No weight-bearing for three months! Do you understand? Not even a toe-touch! Otherwise, it's all over!' He emphasized the command with a knife-slitting-the-throat move and a "cchzschzz" sound. Point taken."
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I shattered my femur in a freak accident at Central Park. “It’s early…we can still make dinner and Kinky Boots,” I thought at first, as an ambulance hurtled me toward the hospital and a complicated, 4+hour surgery that ended with a 9-inch titanium plate and seven pins embedded in my leg.
My surgeon ordered bedrest for three months with no weight-bearing on the leg, and I found myself immobilized in two separate nursing homes away from my family and my home.
Here’s Your Pill, Kitten! is a true story of recovery, discovery, and survival. Colorful, real-life characters include Mickey the Suave, Vito-One-Eye, and Nurse Margo from Fargo. My life in each facility can only be described as Postcards from the Edge meets Orange is the New Black with a little American Horror Story sprinkled in for fun.
I was the youngest patient in each facility, and continued to work at a full-time job while learning to walk again and face the rest of my life as a mobility challenged person. My frightening, bittersweet, heartbreaking, and often hilarious interactions offer a profound peek behind the privacy curtain into the world of nursing homes from both patients' and nurse's perspectives. You'll also be surprised to find the reality behind widespread availability and use of opioids with patients, whether they're needed...or not. Because of this ordeal, I learned how to be my own advocate, and how doing so was crucial to my very survival.
Check out the resource page for more information on skilled nursing facilities, the opioid crisis, and patient advocacy (whether you do it for yourself or enlist the aid of a professional). Knowledge is power. Educate yourself. It could mean the difference between life and death.
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